Thursday, 30 July 2009

A friend of mine well educated, from a respectable family, working, fell in love with a guy and married him. It so happened that he lost his job after marriage. He initially looked for another job but slowly gave up. My friend would apply for his jobs, send his resumes but he was just not interested anymore. He started blaming her for his misery. Soon we knew that he had turned to alcohol. He would drink full day and when my friend came back from the office...argue on some petty things with her. This became a regular scene. As she was the only bread earner in the family, she looked into the situation and started putting in extra hours at work as she wanted to do better and moreover distract herself from the daily drama that she had to face after going back home. As she started concentrating more on work front, her superiors started recognising her abilities and very soon she was promoted. She was very happy and thought if she shares this good news with her husband, he will be at least proud of her and would appreciate her for working so hard. But to her surprise he started blaming her for loosing his job, for showing off that she is better than her, he even started abusing her and telling her things that nobody could imagine. He even questioned her character for getting promoted in the office.

Schopenhauer has said it years ago:

' Vulgar people take huge delight in the faults and follies of great men.'

When you are kicked and criticized, remember that it is often done because it gives the kicker a feeling of importance. It often means that you are accomplishing something and are worthy of attention. Many people get a sense of salvage satisfaction out of denouncing those who are better educated than they are or more successful.

There is another person I know who just cannot give compliments to anyone. She tries to put other person down by either critising them or by talking good about herself. These kind of people are so negative in their thoughts. Earlier I use to get worried about this and talk to my sister about it. But as usual my psychologist sister said:

If you are tempted to be worried about unjust criticism.....

Remember that unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment.

Remeber that no one ever kicks a dead dog.

She even made me realise that people are not thinking about you and me or caring what is said about us. They are thinking about themselves - before breakfast, after breakfast, and right on until ten minutes past midnight. They would be a thousand times more concerned about a slight headache of their own than they would about the news of your death or mine.

Even if you and I are lied about, ridiculed, double-crossed, knifed in the back, and sold down the river by one out of every six of our most intimate friends - let's not indulge in an orgy of self-pity.

' Never be bothered by what people say, as long as you know in your heart you are right.'

'If you get your head above the crowd, you're going to be criticised. So get use to the idea.' That helped me tremendously. From that time on I made it a rule to do the very best I could and then put up my umbrella and let the rain of criticism drain off me instead of run down my neck.

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